Concepts and Ladybugs

Someone came up to me recently and said, “I have been reading your posts…they’re sad.” I didn’t know what to say, other than, “I know. It’s been sad.” I’m not going to sugar coat it and say it’s not sad and that it’s easy. It’s definitely not easy. What I can say though is that it’s all a process. I know we will get through it. That’s all we can do really. So we choose to keep moving forward and finding some little victories in our daily lives. That’s the thing; we don’t really have a choice but to move forward…

I think it was sometime in February. A month after the fire and a friend of mine, who also lost his house, told me they had an architect and they were working on the plans for their new home. I felt like a deer caught in the headlights of a fast-moving truck. They had an architect! How does one get an architect? I have heard of architects.

Then in the beginning of March we got the call from the US Army Corps of Engineers that they were going to clear our property. Only two other properties were cleared on our block so it felt like it was happening fast. I couldn’t figure out how we got so high up on the list. But I wasn’t going to question anything and risk going to the back of the line. In the back of my head, I was wondering, is this when we get an architect?

Right after the lot was cleared, I went to the One-Stop Permitting location. A temporary office for the County Planning office. I sat and waited and waited to speak to someone. I had NO IDEA what to ask. I knew I needed to start somewhere. The planner I spoke to was very kind and said a lot of things that I didn’t understand at first. Terms like “setbacks” and “like for like” and Title 22. The County planner did send a follow-up email with links to attempt answer these questions.

Shortly after this, a good friend told me she has a dear friend whose husband is a contractor and that I should reach out to him for advice. So, I did. I reached out, to David, via email and essentially said, “We lost our house in the Eaton fire in Altadena. I think we need an architect and a contractor. Would love to talk to you.” That night he called me. We had a great talk. I knew in that moment he, for sure, was the contractor we wanted. Then he gave me the name of an architect. He told me we didn’t have to choose her but that it was a place to start. He told me he had other architects we could reach out to but that he wanted us to start with her and see what we thought.

The next day I spoke with Kim, the architect. She has worked for big architectural firms but now is on her own. She also told me that she absolutely understood that we need to “shop around” for architects. She said it was like dating. That it was going to be a long relationship and we needed to be sure we were a good fit.

The following Sunday, March 30^th, we met with Kim, the architect and David, the contractor, up at our empty property. We wandered around the lot and talked and envisioned what was possible. As we were leaving, Kim said, “I’m looking forward to helping build a home you will love and I understand you still need to shop around for other architects.” As we were driving away John said, “we can still shop around before we send her a check, if you think we need to.” Yeah, John and I both knew, after that meeting, that these were the two people we wanted to help us build our new home and that we didn’t have to waste any time “shopping around.” Especially, given the difficult time I have with shopping these days.

I was in Target the other night and I was THAT person. I literally looked down into the basket and said, “Nope!” and left the store.

I still find myself stabbed in the heart with memories at the most inopportune times. Cried in Ulta, again, yesterday looking at lipstick. I still have an odd time shopping and an even harder time keeping things. The other day John and I waited for hours in front of someone’s home to pick up a set of mugs that had been offered in a Buy Nothing group I’m in. We got them home and I said, “you know, I can’t keep these, right?” He said, “I knew you weren’t going to keep them when we were waiting to pick them up.”

I did go up to our property a few weeks ago and threw native wildflower seeds onto the dirt. I had read that wildflowers leach the “bad” stuff out of the soil. It’s going to be a minute before we actually break ground with construction. It will give these guys some time to thrive and be beautiful in that desolate landscape.

I was excited when I went back the other day to see flowers are starting to come up and the lady bugs are back. From the first day we lived in Altadena we had ladybugs. Have you ever seen a baby lady bug? They are hideous!! I had to look up what the heck they were when I first saw them on our door jam. I thought it was something awful but baby lady bugs are a bit like goslings. Not super attractive as babies (although, I think goslings are super cute) and then they become the swans of the bug world. This guy was huge and busy running around the new wildflowers.

There is still a lot to navigate through all of this. Finances, laws, planning, insurance, insurance, insurance, lists and so on. Then last night, Kim, the architect, sent me a text, “You still up?” I was just getting ready to go wash my face and go to bed. But I was up. She then emailed us a concept of our new home. I cried. It’s amazing!!! I understand it’s just a concept. We are in the infancy of this whole process. And, it’s super exciting to see a future that includes a beautiful home.